It was Christmas Eve, babe

In the drunk tank!

Merry fucking Christmas, you absolute assholes. What a time. What a year.

What is this.

OK, holy shit, I finally got my finger out of my ass and started, well, attempted to get some creative juices flowing.

Christmas has been nice. It's come and gone. People are leaving even though they just arrived. It is quite strange being the person who is “left behind” all the time, rather than being the one travelling. I don’t know how I feel about that. It is quite nice in one way and a little frustrating in another. It is weird having friends all over the place but I often have to invest money to get to them.

It’s also quite nice. Travelling is always exciting (maybe not the train/bus/plane part, but the prospect of going somewhere is!), so going on a bit of an adventure to go see your mates is pretty awesome.

Oh, seems I got distracted.

Christmas has been lovely. We even had snow on Christmas Eve. It was like a Christmas present from nature. Freaking beautiful it was.

And I am kind of sad that The Julekalender is over. No more advent for us… Until next year! Oh yeah and I nearly won 100 000kr. That fucking scratch-and-win advent calendar was just cruel, evil and vicious. I needed 1 god damn CD to win. One. Uno. En. A single CD.

A bigger tease I’ve never seen. A cruel, cruel tease. Not just a tease, really. A taunt. 

Calendar Douche: “’Ey, come here! You will totally win a lot of money!”

Me: “Oooh, money? I like money…”

CD: “Yeah… Oh look at all these CD ‘s! You need those to win the aforementioned money!”

M: “I do? Holy shit, look at how many there are of them… Wow… Do I actually have a chance to win?”

CD: “Oh yes, you totally do! Just keep scratchin’! Only a few more now! Come on! Keep that hope burning bright in you! Remember, we need the fuel for Christmas Eve when you totally will win the 100 000kr!”

M: “WOW! O’BOY I LIKE WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE! IS THIS WHAT WINNING IS? WOW, I COULD GET MY LICENSE! I COULD SAVE MONEY FOR A FLAT! HOLY SHIT, I AM GETTING A HOUSE!”

CD: *Rubs hands evilly* “Yes.... Yeeeees….. Fuel my evil…. FUEL IT!”

M: “Pardon? What? I didn’t quite catch that; I was too busy planning my future on false hope and broken dreams.”

CD: “Yes, exactly, MWAHAHAHAHA!”

I did win 20kr off that wretched calendar douche though, so I’m not all too ungrateful. Just a little bit. I could have been more grateful, but I decided not to.

But I am absolutely, 100% sure I handled it the right way. I sent a strongly worded letter to the lottery people.

Dear lottery-fuckers

I was gifted an advent calendar of your brand.

Having not spent any money myself on this calendar I feel shocked and appalled for not winning  after having 10, not 11 CD's as required, to win the 100 000 kr. I feel abused, misguided and to be honest, a little molested.

Please send me the money or I will sue for emotional damage.

Sincerely,

Maria

I thought it was a reasonable letter to send.

They say being assertive is the way to get and achieve things, so, you know, just taking advice to heart. What you read on the internet is always true, as they say. 

And seeing as this is the internet and the internet have done so much for me, I have some advice as well. It's kind of like a pay-back. For all the times the internet helped me out.

1. Always take what is online 100% seriously,
2. Always take sweets from strangers, because, hello, free sweets.
3. Never get into a serious discussion online as only chumps do that,
4. Don't be a chump,
5. Make as many unobtainable New Year's resolutions as possible to feel better than others,
6. Loudly broadcast said new year's resolutions every day for a week after New Year, then stop mentioning them all together,
7. If you actually do one of your unobtainable New Year's resolution, be smug as absolute fuck about it for the rest of the year, as well as years to come,
8. Do Facebook Tags as much as you possibly can (unless they are actually for a charity or a good cause. Only hippies and people who make obtainable New Year's resolutions donate to charities. Don't be like them. They are chumps (ref. 3 point))
9. Rage quit. Only winners waste other people's time. If you're not a winner you are a chump. (read above point)
10. Be nice to people online
11. Follow the 9th advice and be wrong and also a chump,
12. Be yourself. Haha, just kidding. You need to mould yourself into society's stereotypes and accepted ways, haha. Nothing else is accepted. Don't be a chump.
13. Women are trash. Treat them as such.
14. Men are trash. Treat them as such.
15. ...Actually treat everyone like trash.
16. People appreciate when you are pointing out their flaws, do this often.
17. Refine your social antennas by taking advice from the internet and blindly believing everything you read. - This shouldn't really be here, but I feel like I should really hammer it in. (The hammer is my penis)

I think that's all I can come up with at this point in time (and space).
I hope you have a Merry Christmas (what's left of it) and a happy New Year! 

Houses of the Holy

So, thanks to Alun and Malene I have finally sorted out this blasted church business! It turned out to be the Church of Music after all. Even though I said "no, I'm not that silly, haha, lawl". It turns out I am.
As well as the name for the cottage. The Blind Logstacker! Thank you Alun!

I finished it maybe a week ago, but I just haven't really got around to bragging about it. Yeah let's face it. It's bragging. I am a dirty filthy braggaholic. My name is Maria. I am a braggaholic. Braggaholic is totally a word, by the way.
...You don't want to know how many red lines there are so far in this post...

Moving on.
This is the new stuff. To the left is the Fisherman's Friend cabin. Not the cough drops. The big white and gray building is the church. I can clearly not spell gray right as there is a big red line under it. My spell check is telling me off. WHY SPELL CHECK?? IS GREY BETTER? It is. It is better. There is no red line.

The church, I think, could look better. But there's too much effort in changing them, so unless I get horribly bored I probably won't change it.
I had a lot of fun making the confession booth. "I'm sorry Father I have sinned. It has been a year since my last confession... I... I have been listening to Lady Gaga... On repeat."
"YOU WHAT!? The God of Rock forgives you. You need to listen to the entire album of Led Zeppelin III and two random songs of The Beatles."



 
The Graveyard, however, I'm really proud of. I originally wanted it to be dark, sad, desolate, overgrown and so on, but then it came out like this. And wading through a horde of skeletons would only prove a bit of a struggle when going into the mine (the mausoleum in the back-left, there), so I ditched it. I also considered putting names on the graves using signs, but that felt too morbid.

The map has changed something fierce as well. I have a massive boner (full stop. Wink wink, nudge nudge.) for maps, so I thought I could add a picture of the difference. The left is old, the right is new. I really like seeing the world change from "above".

Then, by suggestion of Alun, I built a fishing hut. I called it The Fisherman's Friend. (Not the cough drops.)
I thought it was a great idea. The thought of a semi-abandoned cottage in the slight outskirts of a place appealed. And kind of axe-murder-y. Herobrine isn't creepy enough, apparently. I kind of wish Herobrine was in the game. It would be kind of cool to suddenly lay the wall of China in your living room just because you suddenly discovered that there is actually a face looking at you in the corner of your screen. I wonder who came up with that whole idea. It must be pretty awesome to come up with an urban legend. Like Slender Man. Holy shit, that person must be revelling in all the creepy-pasta (WHY IS IT CALLED CREEPY PASTA!? WHAT DOES PASTA HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING!?!? I DO NOT COMPREHEND WHAT FOOD HAS TO DO WITH MADE-UP STORIES APART FROM WHEN THE CHARACTERS EAT IT!!) that is happening around it all. In my head this person is standing in a dark room hovering over his computer, the only light source is the screen and he cackles maniacally. "I have created a nightmare", s/he says, let's call him/her Peony, Peony says whilst skimming through the next creepy-pasta (I DO NOT ENJOY USING THOSE WORDS TOGETHER!!). The details grow like a garden-weed whilst Peony tap his/her fingers together maliciously. This has a life of its own now. However Peony breathes life into it occasionally when it threatens to die down. Because Peony is a sadistic asshole who deserves a little slap. In the face. With a sledgehammer. Of foam <3
I have digressed. But that's OK, because I've finished yappin'.

Minetrash

RIGHT!
I now have removed one of the options of where I wanted to build the church, but I kind of set up a new place. I'm going to ask again.
Halp plix!

The red whale is where the other suggestion were, but it felt a little cramped with so many other details so close to it.So I took it out of the loop. But these places have a lot of space around it for possible mausoleums.

Okay. So here they are a little closer. I outlined the creepy graveyards too for shits and giggles. It was fun. I wish there was a way to decide the colour of the grass too. I'd definitely make this creepy eerie thing with blue-green grass and DOOM painted all over.


I implore you, Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr.
Help me make the best choice. :P

(Oh, cabin names are still welcome!)

 Bonus picture: The hanging Chicken. :P I think it's hilarious anyway. :P

Minecraft pun-related title.

Yeah. I know I know.
I just really like playing Minecraft. And I don't have a life. So-uh... You know how it is. This is my life now. I am Minecraft.
Anyway. I am going to ask for a little help from my friends now on the big crazy interwebz, as I'm having a bit of a dillemma.
I am going to build a church-like thing with a graveyard and stuff around it. But I don't know where to build it!
So let's try this thing.
OK. I built two box-thing-churches because I can't decide where to put it.
I put some podzol where I intend to have the graveyard so it's fairly easy to estimate from where I stuffed the outlines of the churches.

First location: This will be a fairly small church, and it will be kinda cramped in very close to the garden where I have all the vegetables. I don't think the location is too too ideal, but I WILL be able to build a crypt in here that will look natural and won't need to be dug out too much. The church-thing won't be too big either, but that's OK. The graveyard (podzol/brown crap) will look sort of cool as it is in levels too.

Second location: I think this might be a more ideal location, however it looks a little weird and kind of out of place, but there is a lot more space to play with and it won't look too cramped. The graveyard will look flatter and not too crazy. Which will be easier to build on. However, I really do like the idea of having a crypt. And I am not too sure it will look too good under there. I don't know.
Help!


Anyway, I have built a couple of new things. That I'd like to show off. Because that is my nature. Totally a show-off. They're not even that great. That's the best part.

So I built a toilet. Thanks to the suggestion of a friend of mine.
Unfortunately though, there was a gas-leak in there. It left it in a dangerous state and also attracted a frightening amount of zombies. It's hard to say why, but that's how it is.






If anyone want to suggest a name for my cabin, as well, please feel free! I am all about the audience participation today. What a wild child.
Then I built a gazebo. I thought the little hilltop looked so bare and thought a vantage point would be cool. I am not sure about the roof at all, though. It looks a little strange. But I don't care about that at the moment. However I should probably fix things before I build new things.... But I won't... Colon, capital p.




Before I changed to my new computer, I started building this greenhouse. It's too small. But I thought it would be cool to have one of those overgrown-like little botanical garden-ish places. They always seem so cosy and kind of mysterious and full of fun stuff to discover!







Well, that was enough showing off for me. I'm hoping for some help, here, that would be really awesome! I can't wait to start building now!

The Simsalgia

I found the Sims on Sunday! The first game! And I am so happy! Nostalgia and old cheat codes came rushing back, when the music started playing and I joyously started cheating the shit out of this game.

Yes, I am a cheater. My name is Maria and I am The Cheater. A filthy, filthy cheater. I like having the house the way I want it to begin with.

The cheated house in question.
I forgot how many lights you actually needed to sufficiently
illuminate the room you were in.

However I'd rather go broke after spending my last penny on a grand piano and get a  job after that and work for the money afterwards though. Oh, how many maids have stomped angrily away from my house, sending me angry letters with abuse in them after. Leaving me having to clean up my own house.... O cruel world. You won't believe how dirty my Sim is. SO very, very, very filthy. There are cockroaches involved. I do not enjoy it when the cockroaches are involved. Little squares of disgusting little brown splodges on the screen. Often accompanied with flies. They are a joy. Oh and I should not forget to mention the raccoons. THE RACCOONS!!! THEY KNOW I STRUGGLE WITH KEEPING THE HOUSE CLEAN, THEY KNOW IT! BUT STILL THEY GO INTO MY LITTER AND ACTIVELY TRY AND MAKE AN EVEN BIGGER MESS! I rejoice every time I call the exterminator. I leave my Sim to do her/his own business and actively scroll down to wherever the man and intruding pixels are and watch them BURN IN RIGHTEOUS FIRE (you get an awesome point if you get where that's from)!
...
If you say it is karmic justice, I will beat you.
That's right. I have lowered myself to making threats.

Sort your life out, What's-Your-Face.
You haven't slept in days,
you grow your own food, and you are terrible at it.
Whaaaaatareyouooooooon!

Living like a rich mother fucker, hardly able to afford food is not fun. However when the job is sorted, I thoroughly enjoy my surroundings, splashing out on pizza in the afternoon, adopting a dog-cat and a cat-dog... And so on. Then possibly becoming, and/or struggling to become a superstar, which by the way, is hard. Holy hallway, getting friendly with those bastards is 1) a chore and 2) I've realised that butt hole-licking is not my thing. Patience is really and truly not my strong side. Not only that, getting up in star-levels is hard! That "Hollywood" place sucks out all the joy you have before you got there, and starts swivelling it around in its mouth before it spits it back at you, now FILLED with lovely hunger, boredom and a bigger sleep deprivation than any lawyer working to "prove" his guilty convict isn't guilty.
It's not a nice scene.

It is where the predators thrive, and Obsessive Fans breed. It is a nay-place. Heh... Or a Neigh-place. There were no horses involved in this post so far, so that that pun was ponilicious (punny.. pony. It almost makes sense.) without anything to refer back to makes me sad. But I refuse to remove it.
I digress.
I really enjoyed getting back to The Sims again. After the CD's "mysteriously disappeared" (read: Mother cleaned them away to a faraway mysterious and magical land) I haven't had a chance to play it.
That's OK though. There are other and probably better games out there. And for your information, I am really happy I didn't ever get a dog in real life when I was at the "when-the-Sims-came-out"-age, because calling my dog Tussa is not OK. Ever. My Sims dogs got the full blow on that, fortunately.


Thanks, fare thee well.