To the old and new.

The puppet master and its puppets.
God I hate them (and I hate to say I "hate" things (heh) but sometimes human emotions takes over so much so you have to blog about them. Oh dear Lord, I should apologise in advance...).

The endless struggle for power and control.
I notice I am a bit of a puppet myself sometimes, the hunger for approval, the extreme satisfaction when I "get to be funny" or "do a good job". It feels good to be a part of the group and be included. I guess you could say that I'm happy.

It doesn't feel good when I'm not, though.
Being the outsider. Being different.
Why is being different so bad? Why are we striving so hard to be the same person?
I say embrace your quirks, don't hide them!

When friends join in on the fun, hiding behind a mask of humour. Or worse, hiding behind their own insecurities. A shell that is only there because they are unable to, or refuse to take it off.
I think it's the worst excuse in the world.
We are, however, kind of the same then. Enjoying to be the puppet. Embracing being weak.
It's like shouting "I don't want any responsibilities!"
I do that. I don't want to create drama everywhere I go, so I lie and just let them be a bad person with their shitty attitude. I don't want the responsibility of my own opinions. That makes me weak. (However I'd like to think I'm not like that all the time. I choose my battles. People I care about I tell the truth to. I let them know about their shitty attitudes or things that might be hurtful or offensive. It could be seen as "kicking off" as it is popularly called, but I try and stay away from that and say things as calmly as possible. I'm far from perfect, I'm probably overly sensitive about things, but if I get an (sincere) apology, then I will probably apologise back for being a bit of a shit.)

"Isn't it great to see how much this person has grown?"
Yes, of course it is. I just wish it wasn't into a piece of clay, moulded by their puppeteer.
For their own sake.
When they join in on the puppeteers train of thought it hurts.
Especially being the recipient. (You'd think a friend would be on your side. I'd like to think that most of my friends would be, though. I'm lucky like that. However it has happened where some haven't been, and it feels like an acid bath. I'm guessing most people can relate to that though.)

But I end up smiling when I realise I'm not the puppet. I realise that I am not the victim of manipulation or being told what to like or how to cause torment upon another person.
I realise I have a personality. I may even intimidate them. That is an exhilarating thought.
That's why I win every time I am the outsider.
I won.
Being fine comes in time.
I am the happiest being by myself because then there are no puppets, no masters. Only freedom to be who you want to be. Freedom to listen to whatever music you want to listen to, freedom to watch whatever you want to watch, freedom to do whatever the hell you like.
It might not be feel good right there and then. Not right away, anyway. But it will, and with that I will be happier than being that pretty puppet with silken strings and no opinions.
Because I won over your power-struggle. I refuse to be controlled, I have no interest in being your clone. You might not end up liking me, you may not agree with me, but why does that matter, really?
Who are you to be liked by everyone, anyway?
You're not that great. I'm not that great. Nobody is THAT great.

No, I don't like you. I don't even want to be near you. I've had too many experiences with people like you, and when I see you, I instantly know what you are.
You make me feel angry. An angry mind is not a rational mind, and nothing good comes from being irrational.

I hope you never experience being a puppet, because who knows?
Maybe you'll end up the outsider.
And I don't want you to be happy.
And that makes me lose because that means I am just like you, and that makes me angry.

Another Minecraft solo-style update.

I've been playing Minecraft a lot this Christmas, and a little bit throughout this year so far. So my world has changed a little bit since the last time I showed off my single player world.
I love showing off my shit.
I'm like a child proudly showing my parents a really shit drawing I spent hours on and it still ended up looking like a sheep with a gout.
It's really hard to make squiggles in Minecraft though.

I think evolution is fun. Well, I mean the evolution of something you create. Well evolution in the original sense of the word is interesting too, of course, but I am trying to say that "hey, it's cool to see how the world changes, even though it might not change all that much." Phew. There we go.

 I updated the enchanting room a little bit. Not sure if I want to add bookshelves into the spaces where the sandstone is, so you get the dip-in effect, but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there... Bookshelves are expensive, yo! (I just said "yo"... Hello early teens.)

 So this one is new. Basically straight after I posted the second Minecraft post, I started building this fort. I decided that "Hey, I'm fed up with my cabin and I need to find some new chunks, because this Early-Beta (still gutted that my Alpha world has disappeared into the nothingness. It was such a cool place! But when I think about it, I don't think it actually was THAT cool (forest fires were involved), but I HAD captured an entire mountain so that was pretty cool...) chunk is getting kind of ridiculously boring and stuff-less. I want new stuff!" So I bravely went out and explored. Results are, well, all over the place.

 So I had another gardening-craze. Decided I wanted to display the new trees and flowers (fucking hell... My patience broke. Those flower-bastards are hard to find. Found most of them though, but creative mode supplied the rest... I'm ashamed.) as well as the new look on the mini-farm. And a "hot-tub" to add to the nothingness of the area that used to be there.

 So with new patches, I've got quite a changed view from the window. I painstakingly tracked down horses and led those fuckers back into this pathetic excuse of a pen. That will probably change soon. The trees are Acacias, but they're not usually there, only when I need the wood.

 A map room! The hut looked a little ridiculous with maps covering windows and shit, so decided to just make a new room entirely. I have no idea what to do for this room, but imagining a chandelier. Will probably raise the roof a little bit and add it. That will probably be good regarding the maps too, as I can add more of them.
I love maps. Maps are great.

Changed the roof into dark oak wood, or stairs to be precise. Felt it was long overdue with a stairs-roof so to speak. I also expanded it by 1 block because the fact that it wasn't centred annoyed me ridiculously. Was helped a lot by Malene and Peter to determine which was the best-looking wood (hah), because clearly this is so important I need to shake my friends into helping me. Thanks guys. <3 They are the best to see if it fits or not. I'm like a fucking colour-blind... Um, dog I guess...

Right, so I covered up a hole with leftover wood and it ended up looking like a cheque weird picnic place... I'm still not sure how I feel about it, so it will probably change.Built this over Christmas, the idea of the camp-site is Rebekka's. The location of this is behind the animal pens, so it's not the greatest place, but it will do.

 I also dressed up the mushroom-growing place when I dressed up the cave I mine in. I'm quite happy about this room. However I do think it kind of look like a mausoleum... Or a mushroom-growing place!

So this is going to be a watch-tower. Mark 1 is to the right, Mark 2 is on the left. Decided that Acacia wood is horrendous-looking mixed with other things. I quite like it though, but not on a watch tower. It's hopefully pretty obvious that it is a work-in-progress... Moving swiftly on...

 I updated the animal pens. I felt a little sorry for these poor pixels, so ended up adding a little bit of a twatty roof to it. However, they keep escaping, no matter how much I build on it. Really annoying glitch.

 OKAY! Last one now. This is the basement. Or cave. Whatever fits best really. As you probably can tell, I have a massive boner for the dark wood (maybe not the best phrasing). It looks amazing I think.

Christmas loveliness

So much food... So much food!
This is why I love Christmas. The endless hills of lovely food that you can gorge your face in. Oh I love food... Amazing.
And of course seeing family and friends, don't forget.
Which led me to seeing The Hobbit twice, which is why I'm here today on this lovely evening.
Rant time.

People who don't understand personal space...
In the cinema you are given a seat. A seat to watch the film in. Well I'm sure everyone enjoys having a seat to themselves. Who doesn't.
Then there's this lady-thing.
Sat next to me there was, only something that could be described as the biggest chav in Norwegian history. Probably on a date with her boyfriend or husband or whatever, treating themselves with this months benefits (OK that was mean...) to see this excellent film of extremely attractive short people (not that short people aren't attractive).
Anyway, this being of incredible arseness managed to elbow me throughout the whole entirety of the movie. One could say it ruined the experience ever so slightly.
I tried being polite about it, by slightly shoving her away, or should I say bravely attempting to undo the injustice that was happening in that cinema that faithful day...
Foiled.
Fucking foiled.
No hint was taken that day.
Infuriating.
When the film was done She-Beast and Boyfriend rushed out of the cinema like the impolite monkeys they are/were without apologising when they trampled over my bag... How... What.... I can't even....

Ah but Christmas, oh Christmas.
Filled with beautiful first world problems and glorious food.
I love food.
This holiday basically only consist of food. I could build a fort OF the food eaten. However I would not as it has already been digested, ha ha. Hilarious.
Many lovely presents, of course. Will be nice and warm if the winter properly sets in.
Weather.
Ah, let's leave it there, or one might age rapidly...

Busy bee

So-uh.... Wops...
Uni has been really busy lately with preparing for and doing assessments.
I had a weekend in London with Carina and Frank the 18-20th of October, met up with Aaron and we walked a lot. That was fun. Feet got fucking knackered, though. I'm an avid fan of sightseeing, but walking places can be a bit of a downer regarding that. We went to Platform 9 3/4, we saw the Parliament, unfortunately didn't go to see the Tower of London as the line was... "Massive" doesn't quite describe it.... However, we did catch a show of sorts outside it. That was cool. With canons and stuff.
We saw Charlie and the Chocolate factory - the musical (was good!) and went to a film museum. That was cool.

Going back to do more assessment preparations with Clown Lab which was a lot of fun. Very hectic and filled with very critical feedback, but very good. I really enjoyed that week and was invited to go to London to do another week with them. Which was incredible! I was insanely happy! I met some incredibly talented people, a hilarious lot, and got several pages in my notepad filled with games and exercises.
Score.

Then on out we had intensive bouffon rehearsal before the Great Reveal, or 'the performance' as some call it... It could have gone better, the performance, but good to get it over and done with. Then on to the next assessment, and next and next... It's safe to say that the Christmas holiday came in time this year. Before the waves of mental illnesses came wafting through the snow on a one horse open sleigh.

Anyway, came home and I found THIS beauty!

Looooooook at heeeeeer! I love that little bastard! So happy! Her name is Vitani and she makes me happy!
Such a cutie!

The Visit

Apart from the terribly plagiarised title from our first-year performance, this visit was actually good. Well, good is a strange way of describing a visit... Like it is a performance (Erving Goffman could argue it is... Oh God, what has this course done to me!?)... What I mean is this visit was EXCELLENT!
Trudi came over to Swansea! And she took it by storm!

(An alternative title to this is:
The travel (almost) diary of Maria. Having a Trudi-visit.
This is a long'un)

So Thursday (10th) came, the lovely Trud-meister came, I was late as ever (I really need to get my shit together on that. Jeez.), we walked up the dreaded Mount Pleasant hill... Well, I say walking... Trudi were walking, I was wheezing and partially unconscious.
We got back to the house anyway, she got unpacked, then got to meet Cira and showing her around the place. We went into town and had a bite to eat.

'Twas really nice. We have made many good decisions with rock-paper-scissors and a smidge of pure stubbornness... That happened more than I would care to admit... It's a great way of resolving things, though!
The next day Cira, Trudi and I were going to go to Mumbles but alas, the plan was thwarted by none-existing buses going there... I kinda wish we had walked as it is lovely at the beach when it's sunny, but I don't think the people coming were too keen on that. Sadly... But we got to finish our Thing 1 and Thing 2 costumes though for Catty's birthday and met up with Alan, Amy and Derek in town. Hannah joined us afterwards which was nice!







We went to a pub, the Bank Statement I think it was, and Trudi was very happy to see the price of the local  -erm- beverages. Very happy.
Let's say she got a little crazy about it.



<--- Best. Face. Ever.

When the night young the people in the bar were also relatively young, but when it got late... Let's just say "the night was young" didn't really apply for that place. They were old. It was Us and Them.
Them and Us.
They were dressing up like they were 40 years younger, we were drinking our sorrows away.
You know, the usual.
Nah, we had a lovely time, each taking turns on buying pitchers. Cheap things they were.
According to known sources, canines of the female variety loves cheap things, I hear. Must be true then, I suppose.


Fuck's sake. I can tell you right now that sorting pictures out on this diabolical page is a nightmare.
Moving on.
Turned out to be a fantastic night. I have pictures of the rest of the gang, but asking them feels a little awkward if I'm honest.

The Saturday we headed back into town.
We needed a couple of more things for our costumes that night.
Trudi has a way of entertaining herself that entertains everyone around her as well, which is lovely. Crazy kitten.
Love that girl!

There's no wonder she's mad though, as she gets up voluntarily at like 10 o'clock, even when she has her day off. Why, I will never understand. It's bound to make a person a little mad. But that's only a good thing, at least in this case.
On the way down we talked about our Thing characters, and decided to go for the sexy approach (play on words, sixty sounds like sexy in Norwegian (well she nailed it, I just looked like the village idiot. More on that later, however)... PUNS ARE GREAT!)

Then, onwards to Primark to finish our costumes... Oh dreaded Primark. It's like fish in a barrel in there. Or a really busy street in ...China!
Cira and I thought we lost Trudi in there, lost her to the chaos of what seems like millions, if not billions, of aisles, but luckily we spotted her by the not-very-subtly-coloured leggings. Such a blessed day. Primark decided to spare her life, and I will be forever grateful.
'Twas a day of rejoicing and happiness. Not only did we finish our costumes, but we got to get out of there alive. Sun (it was cloudy, I'm exaggerating) never felt sweeter on my pale, Primark-faded skin. Our eyes slowly adjusted to the brightness. We could finally breathe.
Breath happened.
Breath stopped.
Then it happened again. 
It was an amazing feeling. The security guard looked puzzled when he saw our (I assume Cira and Trudi felt the same) desperate faces... Possibly puzzled for actually getting out? Who knows. They are  working there, so they are probably in on it.

 As a treat for the horrors we had to endure, we got ourselves milkshakes. Sweet nectar of sanity-restoring .... stuff. Eddie's Rocket has the best.
Anyone claiming otherwise are wrong.



No, it's not up for discussion.

Trudi met her idol, Cira Done It Right With Pizazz. She got her autograph and a picture to prove it really was her. Cira was so smooth about it, flipping us off in the process with the classical V sign.
Her eyes glistened in the sun, and a sense of knowledge was to feel from her. Maybe she knew that by flipping us off Trudi would have a very awkward conversation when showing the picture to her grand-children and they ask "what the lady was doing!?". I suppose that would be a great way of showing rude body language to small children. Good on you, Cira Done It Right With Pizazz. Good on you.

So the night approached, we got ready whilst having a lot of fun, bantering, posing and a little bit of duck-faces happened.

Trudi had a wonderful moment where she forgot she was a person and started behaving like a chicken. It must have been the sleepless mornings getting to her. The outcome was hilarious though. 

 We quickly found out that the tights we (I, it was all my fault.) had hastily taken from Tesco were really rather small.... So that also invited some ridiculous moments of desperately trying to fit into them before realising that "actually, cutting them up and wearing them like socks, not that bad an idea".

That's not my pants (panties? LINGERIE!) you see there, by the way, I made sure the t-shirt was tucked nice and well into the way-too-small tights.
Just a disclaimer against emotional scarring, is all.







The parteh in pictures (without the other people, so it looked kinda lonely... It wasn't!). Started off getting ready in my room with music snacks and drinks, then to Catty's house and ended up in Reflex. Or whatever it's called now.

 Oh yes. Trudi was the sexy one ( Thing 61) and I were meant to be sexy too (Thing 62)! Was great fun. Stuffed our bras with socks and everything to get into the role properly. Haha, I felt like a sorry lout, being her sidekick, wanting just a little claim of fame. It was great fun.
It ended up in us going to the beach, her getting changed outside the Grand Theatre and having extremely, EXTREMELY annoying people following the group down, expecting to get laid, but walking off in a huff after being told off for being rude. (Not completely true, they stuck around for ages. Like leeches. Being depressing.
Pick-up tip #1: Don't be depressing.
Pick-up tip #2: Don't be rude.
Pick-up tip #3: Don't be annoying. Unless I've missed out on something, just talking to someone doesn't mean you're going to go home with them.... Don't be a dick.
OH! SOMEONE SAID I LOOKED 12 YEARS OLD! I am still not happy with that! Little shit.)

Next day started very late...
Sorry Trudi.
We stayed in talking, which was nice, then she treated us to a Cosmo (that mad mad Trudi. Thank you!) meal that lasted... Ridiculously long.

The table behind us had two different groups of people while we were there. I think we lasted two hours before heading back, where we collapsed on the sofas. 

Trudi knows how to make emotions come to life, that's for god damn sure. Haha, but she soon was up, being all "young", "alive" and "sporty". Broke the flag in the process too! Hah. "That's what happens when people try and move muscles after a big meal. - Confucius"

Action-shot of her flagging with her foot (sort of).  It was fucking fantastic. Nay, GLORIOUS! That's all I can say.

If you're still reading after all that banter, thanks for coming over Trudi, was really nice having you over. And I know for a fact that people were utterly charmed by your very charming self!
All hail the Trudi.
<3

:P