To the old and new.

The puppet master and its puppets.
God I hate them (and I hate to say I "hate" things (heh) but sometimes human emotions takes over so much so you have to blog about them. Oh dear Lord, I should apologise in advance...).

The endless struggle for power and control.
I notice I am a bit of a puppet myself sometimes, the hunger for approval, the extreme satisfaction when I "get to be funny" or "do a good job". It feels good to be a part of the group and be included. I guess you could say that I'm happy.

It doesn't feel good when I'm not, though.
Being the outsider. Being different.
Why is being different so bad? Why are we striving so hard to be the same person?
I say embrace your quirks, don't hide them!

When friends join in on the fun, hiding behind a mask of humour. Or worse, hiding behind their own insecurities. A shell that is only there because they are unable to, or refuse to take it off.
I think it's the worst excuse in the world.
We are, however, kind of the same then. Enjoying to be the puppet. Embracing being weak.
It's like shouting "I don't want any responsibilities!"
I do that. I don't want to create drama everywhere I go, so I lie and just let them be a bad person with their shitty attitude. I don't want the responsibility of my own opinions. That makes me weak. (However I'd like to think I'm not like that all the time. I choose my battles. People I care about I tell the truth to. I let them know about their shitty attitudes or things that might be hurtful or offensive. It could be seen as "kicking off" as it is popularly called, but I try and stay away from that and say things as calmly as possible. I'm far from perfect, I'm probably overly sensitive about things, but if I get an (sincere) apology, then I will probably apologise back for being a bit of a shit.)

"Isn't it great to see how much this person has grown?"
Yes, of course it is. I just wish it wasn't into a piece of clay, moulded by their puppeteer.
For their own sake.
When they join in on the puppeteers train of thought it hurts.
Especially being the recipient. (You'd think a friend would be on your side. I'd like to think that most of my friends would be, though. I'm lucky like that. However it has happened where some haven't been, and it feels like an acid bath. I'm guessing most people can relate to that though.)

But I end up smiling when I realise I'm not the puppet. I realise that I am not the victim of manipulation or being told what to like or how to cause torment upon another person.
I realise I have a personality. I may even intimidate them. That is an exhilarating thought.
That's why I win every time I am the outsider.
I won.
Being fine comes in time.
I am the happiest being by myself because then there are no puppets, no masters. Only freedom to be who you want to be. Freedom to listen to whatever music you want to listen to, freedom to watch whatever you want to watch, freedom to do whatever the hell you like.
It might not be feel good right there and then. Not right away, anyway. But it will, and with that I will be happier than being that pretty puppet with silken strings and no opinions.
Because I won over your power-struggle. I refuse to be controlled, I have no interest in being your clone. You might not end up liking me, you may not agree with me, but why does that matter, really?
Who are you to be liked by everyone, anyway?
You're not that great. I'm not that great. Nobody is THAT great.

No, I don't like you. I don't even want to be near you. I've had too many experiences with people like you, and when I see you, I instantly know what you are.
You make me feel angry. An angry mind is not a rational mind, and nothing good comes from being irrational.

I hope you never experience being a puppet, because who knows?
Maybe you'll end up the outsider.
And I don't want you to be happy.
And that makes me lose because that means I am just like you, and that makes me angry.