Cushioned Bum

In the light of my incredibly healthy holiday so far, I decided to compose a poem of  what I have been doing. I am so clever it's insane. It's actually insane. Holy shit, guys. I am so fucking smart.

I should write an entire post in sarcasm. That would be fucking great. So I will continue that from now on.
Anyway, the poem is hither.
And I call it:

"The life of a ballerina. 

You sit
on your arse.

Painting a picture
with your posture

You are getting fat my friend.

Because you move.
Never.

Nor make any attempt to.

You swine. 

 ---

I am that swine."

I bet that fucking blew your god damn mind.
It's like my poetry changed me, even though I was the one writing it. I can't imagine what it would do to other people. It's like I was transported into an alternative dimension, holding my breath whilst also trying to remember all the numbers in pi. FUCK I'm deep. Like a lake, made of a sinkhole. A lakehole! ...Or a sinklake. But that wasn't as good. ..Sinke! Slake... S.. Nevermind.
God-fucking-damn.
It's like I should just blow my god damn head off for being such a genius.
That's how you get famous, you know.

And fame is all that matters. I mean, God, I am so worthless for not being famous. Everyone who's not famous is fucking worthless.
Gossip is the fucking shit.

Gawd.

OK enough with the sarcasm.
I've got nothing interesting to say, so I will stop now.

KTHXBYE!

Letter for badguys #2

I was inspired to make another "Letters for badguys". Because I enjoyed making the other one quite a lot.

The angry adoptive father's note to the monster mama in, well, Mama:
"NO YOU MAY NOT HAVE MY CHILDREN. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN CHILD! GRANTED, ITS REMAINS ARE HANGING FROM A BRANCH OFF OF A CLIFF, BUT THAT'S OK, STAY TO THAT ONE! WELL OK, THEY ARE NOT REALLY MINE EITHER, BUT MY TWIN BROTHER AND ME MEANS WE'RE BASICALLY THE SAME PERSON! THAT'S HOW TWINS WORK!!!! GOOD DAY TO YOU! Sincerely, Lucas."

A note from a father to an Insidious (see what I did there?), angry old ghost-hag:
"Yeah. I'd very much like my body back now... I'm getting a little... Can I have my body back now? You kno-GIVE ME MY BODY BACK!!"

The Evil Dead demon-evils are being addressed by the cabin-dwellers:
"Hey mother fuckers. Prepare to say hello to my little boom stick. YEAH! Groovy. - Ash"

The Cabin in the Woods people addresses the monsters:
"I know my cousin is pretty liberal about letting people borrow his cabin and all, but, you know, wrecking the place and in addition killing his family and friends is a pretty indecent thing to do. How about you, you know, return to your graves or wherever, and we'll call it even, yeah?
Sincerely, Kurt"

To Event Horizon, from its designer.
"Dear spaceship. I remember back in the day when you had the prospect of becoming the Greatest Invention Ever (TM), from the Best Mind Ever (TM). I enjoyed those days, spaceship. Then you went and disappeared. What the hell, spaceship. What the hell. Then you show up again... Anyway, I'd just like you to know that I will be back for you.
Kisses, Dr. William Weir."

Pandorum, the astronauts take a stand.
"Okay, evolution would like to withdraw you assholes from whence you came: PREPARE TO GET WET! And by that I mean you'll drown! HAAA HAAA HAAAAAAAA!!!!
- Bob
P.S. Miranda, if you can read this, it means you have not become their grub yet. Good. I urge you to go into a pod and launch it! See you on the new planet! Love you! XXXXX
P.P.S. Monster-person, if you read this, disregard the previous statement. Miranda is totally made up."

Cardiff Conundrum mark 2

We went to Cardiff again! Philippa was meant to come with, but work summoned her.... Unfortunately... She popped by Swansea on Monday instead, though, which was really nice! So we got to see her before we leave both Nicole and myself. So it's safe to say we both were really happy to see her then.

Anyway, Nicole, Alun, Jamie, Tom and I went to Cardiff! We went straight to the Doctor Who experience (which was awesome) where a scottish girl greeted us and led us through the perils of what is the Doctor's life.

I'm such a sad person... I immediately went straight to "AMG SHE HAZ TEH SAME ACCENT AS AMY POND LOL!!"... Anyway... Turned out the Doc-man had some issues with being inside Pandora's box and all that. So we had to save him. But then we got to steer the Tardis and that's when shit went down. I mean I am an excellent Tardis driver so it couldn't possibly be me... *cough*
Well, however well we steered the Tardis it still managed go be intercepted by faulty Daleks. And then shit went down. I don't know about you, but my mother always said that if you encounter a faulty Dalek, you run.
Bitches don't mess with Mother's Logic (TM).
After that, it went from bad to worse.
Not only did the Daleks pay a visit, no, the Weeping Angels also, somehow managed to join in on the fun. It was never explained how they got on, but I for one was glad Tom had a free hand. Oh Tom. Such a wonderful human shie... Human short-cake baker! Mhm! Totally what I meant to say.
And then some time-rift stuff happened and a lot of monsters were trying to touch us out of a 3D screen, which we all know, sorry to break it to you, is not possible.
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! But it looked cool though, I'll give them that.



Then the tour was finished, if I recall correctly. And we could start taking pictures. The Gang lept into a photobooth of the expensive variety and took a quirky yet awesome picture. It is somewhere in all my boxes of crap, so I can't really be arsed fishing that out at this moment in time.

We strode around inside where all the holy props were carefully placed for a little while, a lot of selfies were made on my part, because that is what I'm like, before heading for giftshop and food.

Techniquest was next on our agenda, and judging by the amount of children there, it would be a thriving place for paedophiles. We soldiered on and lept in with such confidence we may ACTUALLY have shook the building a little. And I mean the kind of shaking that kids do to pop-bottles before graciously serving them to a trusting parent-figure before they open it and recieve the entire contents of said bottle in their face. Which is probably why all the paedophiles stayed away from us. I mean they could at least have said hi.... Like... Come on... Someone must have taught them manners!


I am joking.... Though I should probably learn that this is often the type of jokes people would frown upon. Not today, though.

In all seriousness there was a lot of cool science in there. We captured our shadows, we made a ball float, saw how much water our bodies contained etc. Very cool place, but like previously mentioned; flooded with kids.

We left Techniquest in order to go into Forbidden Planet (nerd shop #1) where some emptied there wallets out of admiration of all the "cool shit". However it must have been the other game shop that won on this Cardiff trip, as we thoroughly looted the shit out of its dice. Yes, dice.
It was amazing.
I think we all left satisfied and very tired.
It was a very good trip. We all had loot, we were all content and it was all marvellous. Nicole started patting Jamie with her poster as well, which was hilarious. And kind of cute.
I love those guys.

Thanks for all the memories darlings!  I will miss you all!
-untill we meet again!

The Bachelor

I have finished my bachelor!

I can't believe how fast these 3 years have gone by. It has been crazy.
I will leave Friday, or the 30th with all the stuff I have slowly accumulated throughout these three years and it is a little bit sad. I also am wondering how in the nine hells I will actually manage to get it all back, but that is a problem not meant to be internetized.
(That is now a word. You're welcome Scrabble people. (If you need it in a sentence, here goes: "My God, Molly! You're so internetized!" You're welcome. (Yeah.. My ego is pretty inflated. I enjoy the buoyancy that a great big ego provides. I guess that's what being internetized does to you.)))
For our dissertation we could choose to do an independent performance, solo, or make a company with other actors and create a piece that way. Or you could join the Unknown Pleasures project which we are the 7th year in the row to do. That is pretty cool I think.
I chose to be a part of Unknown Pleasures because I thought working with an external practitioner would be very useful in the sense that I can see how other directors work in a not-as-such-academic environment (even though it was in one... But pish posh.).
Our Director, Gerald Tyler, was amazing. I loved working with him.
He did have a very different way of working, which I thought was... Well... Different... But it was an interesting experience. And I'd like to hope that he found us interesting to work with too.
The ignorants (whom were clones, shielded from "reality" or the outside.) were meant to be slightly Asperger-like in behaviour, moving together or in waves. Doing that took a long time. It could be a little tedious, but it had to be done. I think the end-result was pretty cool. Even though I didn't see it all from the audience's perspective, I did see bits from it and they looked really good. Everyone did so well.

I am very proud to have done this work with all of these amazing people and I think we all did a great job with the piece. Jamie, one of the Technical Theatre students made a time-lapse of the three performances we did as well as the get-out, which was really neat.

We even made it into the South Wales Evening Post! Which is awesome, I think!
I need to show off, of course... Here it is!
Or if that has been taken down then I've got screenshots right here. It's not that I am narcissistic, (that's probably just, hmmm... 90% of it? Joking... Joking...) I'm just really proud of both myself and just all of us, having helped create this world that Gerald made up.

This is another post. A different one. We had a photographer come in and take pictures one day. So it's a little awkward and stubby. I won't post the pictures here, even though I want to, there's just so many people to ask for permission if I do.. X)




My parents, Rebekka and grandma (hereby known as Farmor) came down to see it, which was really cool. I enjoyed having them over, albeit a short time. They seemed to really like Swansea, so when I was working and rehearsing, they were looking around, shopping (Rebekka went a little nuts. Not gonna lie.) and uncovering little restaurant-gems. We went to Mumbles for a little nose-around as well and went to a pebble beach. Farmor, Rebekka and I sat down and enjoyed an amazing mint icecream and lazed in the sun whilst mum and dad went exploring on a little hiking trail. I believe it was Langland Bay we found, and it was gorgeous there.
We went down the steps and looked for nice looking pebbles for a while (as you do), whilst waiting for The Parents and then we plodded along towards a coffee shop we could rest our weary feet in. We went into a little café called Mumbles and enjoyed lovely cup of coffee before we went back into town and Rebekka went ballistic with shopping in Primark.
Oh lawdy lawd. There is a lot... And then there is a LOT.
She was in the latter category.

Ah. Anyway, these 3 years of university has definitely been an adventure, and I hope I have made friends for life here.
I can't wait for the reunion! However, for now, Norway will have to be the next adventure.
Thanks for these past years, I will miss our little performing arts family!

Post-CatEasterlypse

It looks like a weird flower! -Taken from a plane,
the city of... God only knows..

Easter, one of my favourite holidays, has come and gone.
I'm now back in Swansea with my lovely classmates and friends and rehearsals have started at full force.

The Easter holiday was really nice. First, I sat on my arse a lot, playing WoW with my sister. Then I saw some friends and we went to Ose and the cabin we have there. Which was nice.
We played Clue a lot. I freaking love Clue.
"Was it the blue one in the fireplace WITH A FUCKING BOOT!?"
I totally rock at it, of course...


I may have lied in my previous statement. May.

We also went a bit to Okse, where we also have a cabin (don't even. The cabins are both TINY.), and which happens to be my favourite one... Because it's awesome. Saw a couple of family members there and their kids. Painted faces (which I kind of hope they strugged to get off, because that would be amazing) and hands and shit. We didn't paint shit. It's just a great word to end sentences with.

I also discovered I had taken a disgustingly large number of cat photos. Like a litter full of them (hah!). Kittens. Cat... pun...
So I will inflict those on you (some. Not all. You'd be stuck forever then.), like the exceptionally good person that I am. (DO NOT QUESTION THIS STATEMENT!!!!)

 Look at him! He is such a little cutie! He's all "hey, I am your cat and I am amazingly hairy. You want to touch me, don't you. WELL YOU CAN'T BECAUSE I AM _THAT_ AMAZING!!"
- That should, of course, be read in a stereotypical British accent, because, as you know, that's how cats speak.

You didn't know? Well now you do! Consider yourself enriched. You learn things here. This is a place of learning.
You may now go into the world spreading your knowledge, like, all over it!

 Yeah, so last time I saw then Vitani, he was a girl. So coming back to Nuka the boy was a bit weird. But also kind of awesome. Because then I won't lie when I say "I have boys over all the time!"
Or: "I sleep with dudes (however that would only be correct if we had more male cats..) all the time!" which makes me sound TOTALLY inappropriate, which is why it is so funny.
Clearly.

My cat and me, posing, cuddling and being adorable.
Me, not the cat.
Jokes. Jokes.

OK, I think we're close enough now... I have something to confess.. No Admit. I'll be the first to admit; It wasn't really all that funny.
It had great potential, but then I sort of just ruined it. What a chump.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya.
You killed my father.
Prepare to die."

Anyway, moving on from the cheap humour, we (meaning I) also found out his scratching post was basically infected with mushroom (we used a birch log, because dad casually keeps them around all year long.), and when you moved it, it stunk up the basement.
I felt like I breathed in a billion spores. I'm sure those fungi enjoy my lungs. They are moist aren't they? Lungs, I mean.
I had a little bit of a Google search and found they are indeed moist.

I told you, a place of learning! You should start having faith, man. Being so negative all the time inhibits the learning experience!














Yeah, so, where was I? You are totally distracted by the cat cuddling a fluffy plush animal aren't you. Yeeeaaah you are.

The fluffy-cuddly thing was very popular. In the sense he wanted to murder it every chance he got. I'm not sure what Colourful Fluffy (CF) did to Kit, but he seemed very offended when he was hanging off of Fluffy's foot.
It was a harrowing experience for CF. He didn't want to see anyone for a week. A week!
You know there is some serious trauma involved when a fluffy and colourful plush-thing doesn't wanna see anyone for a week.

Nuka was all "I apologised like a million times, man!" (this time in an American accent)
CF was all "Oh heeeeeyell no! *snap snap snap*" (like an old American black woman)
Then Nuka was all "BUT I've saveded all my treatz 4 u!" (Because in reality, let's be honest, he IS a cat. He probably doesn't care about grammar.)
But CF didn't want his shit and was like "I QUIT!" and marched out the door like the proud ostrich.. dinosaur... armless creature that he or she is.
When I think about it, I guess we could have been nicer to CF, as we don't even seem to know his/her gender...

LOOK! A crotch!

So that TOTALLY happened.
My cat is awesome and I love him.
I think he has mixed feelings on me, however.
Whenever I go to hug him he's all "NO!!! I IS TEH BIZZI DOIN BIZNIZ! FAQ YOO! I VILL USE U AS TEH SCRATCH-POST!!" which is totally not true. Because whenever he is playful he likes to run away. And then demolish my mother's curtains/sofas/chairs/whatever he is able to destroy. So she stepped on him to teach him a lesson.

Which is a total lie again. Well she totally stepped on him, but it was an accident. And he was fine after. Just a little shaken up. But fine. Which is great.

But seriously. This Easter has been great. I got my new computer, got to keep it for all of two days before I turned it back in to Lefdal to get it fixed because THE STINKING VIDEO CARD WAS BROKEN!!!
... I have not had great experiences with computer-fixers in the past...
These seemed ('seemed' being the key word, here. I will not draw conclusions until I get it back) to be OK enough. And they didn't take THAT long to get it fixed... That is a bit of a lie. 5 weeks is kind of long. The repair-people didn't take long though as they were waiting for parts. The "diagnostics" (read: turning it off and on again) took ages though.

....This was not meant to be a rant-post, but I guess it kind of turned into one. I don't like it when I don't get things that work properly.

Anyway...

I know it's not really MEANT to be an innuendo, and that Sarge is really rather meant to be illustrated to sing bad, but when you just go censoring words willy (heh) nilly, you will, some day, happen to censor at the very spot you so desperately tried to avoid. What a chump. You should be ashamed censorship-man. Or lady.
Actually, not really, because it was kind of awesome stumbling upon it.
Right. I think this will suffice. I hope you learned important things.